Everything Wrong With 800 Legends of Life
by Ocelot-Wolf
Summary: I recount all the sins of Wolf no naku koro ni's fanfiction "Eight Hundred Legends of Life," whilst simultaneously appreciating all the work that obviously went into one huge, long-ass fanfiction. T for language and insults written solely for your entertainment!
1. Chapter 1

**Everything Wrong With "Eight Hundred Legends of Life"**

 **In +/- 153,752 words.**

 **Chapter 1**

It is said that when the world began, there were two ultimate beings that ruled over everything—the plants, the animals, even the humans lived in harmony under them. **(Alright, we're only one sentence in and I'm already calling bullshit. This is a great start.)** They were called Life and Death, Sanity and Madness. **(Okay, I somewhat get the Life and Death thing, but since when was living madness? Oh, yeah, this was written by a teenager. I guess that makes sense.)** A God of Death and a Goddess of Life. A Shinigami and, less commonly known now, an Inochigami. Two separate beings that could not live without each other. **(Despite not being able to live with each other, Lord Death lived for 1,000 years without Ikiru being active. Also, if Ikiru was just going leave, why did she even procreate?)**

However, fate did not favor them to reign together in eternity. Eight hundred years ago, a witch who called herself the Spider Queen **(So I guess that this is supposed to be one of the MILLION Okami references in this fanfiction, but the fact that she calls Arachne "The Spider Queen" is just a smidgens confusing.)** used the power of the sixth incarnations of the gods, Lord Death and Ikiru. **(Wait… what? What is this? Seriously, I don't even remember what this was supposed to be. Well, it's been a year, so I've slept about 568 times since then, but still. What?)** With the destruction of Death and Madness of Life, she created demonic weapons of insanity and devastation. With her army, the Spider Queen tried to overthrow the gods.

It is untold what happened during the time of war, however, I know how it ended. Ikiru, the beautiful wolf goddess of Life itself, decided her Madness could no longer be in the world. **(So Arachne used the negative aspects of life and death to make weapons. But why did only Ikiru leave? I mean, if only one of them had the guts to stay, I think it would be Ikiru. Inconsistency?)** Lord Death took her responsibilities upon himself **(HOW?)** —something no one had ever done for the Inochingami before. Ikiru left. Death was sad **("Oh, did I forget to mention they were hopelessly infatuated like all gods before them, but never pro-created because reasons?" Yes. Yes, you did.)** , but he promised her and himself that he would continue the world as if she never was. **(This sounds like a bad idea! Like… locking up Elsa when her powers were getting out of control! Oh, God, I'm already making a Frozen reference? Jesus, this is going to be a long countdown.)**

 _Tracing the depths of my memories,_

 _I fasten together my crumbling heart, no place left to go_

 _Come here once again and_

 _Take my hand, take me away to the ends of eternity_

 _Dashing forward, I find a way to know the_

 _Future. Time races ahead and_

 _I see tomorrow, but_

 _I cannot hide my heart now fraught with anxiety._

 _My thoughts I release in a rasping voice_

 _Disappear into an unreachable void; I cannot grasp the heart._

 _Return the memories I've captured in my eyes,_

 _Believe one day in the future we'll meet again!_

 **(It's sweet that she was dedicated enough to her project to have an opening title sequence, but why "All This Time" by FELT? I guess the lyrics go with the plot, but the sound just kills the vibe I got from the actual Soul Eater soundtrack.)**

The sun was burning hot as it shone, laughing, over a small Japanese village. **(Starting in Japan cliché. This is actually a real cliché in the making of anime fanfictions, and I'm pointing at the ones where the characters aren't actually from Japan.)** The fields of the village, ripe with rice and other food, were surprisingly empty. At this hour, the citizens of the village would rush to gather and harvest as much food as they could, but all was silent. It was as if this was a ghost town. There was no mistaking it. A Kishin was terrorizing the village.

"At last," a voice called into the valley. **(Just a voice? Why didn't she just let on right away that it was Kid, who'd come to investigate? Sure, it doesn't look like a bad tactic, but this one line just doesn't set right with me.)**

That voice belongs to none other than Death the Kid, the son of Death himself. The teen was currently flying over the small town on his hovering skateboard, his two weapons in hand.

"Hey, Kid," the eldest of his weapons, Liz, said. "Where is everyone? There's plenty of food to harvest, so why aren't they off their lazy butts?" **(Okay, did Kid really not tell her why they were or did the author really just make Liz this stupid so Kid could explain shit?)**

"For starters, a Kishin egg has been running them off," Kid replied. "Several people have been killed whenever they go near the fields; it seems this Kishin wants them to himself. People have died as a result, and several fields destroyed."

"A Kishin with an interest in food?" Liz questioned. "Don't they usually eat just souls?"

"He must be a big eater," Patti giggled. Kid narrowed his eyes.

"This isn't like what we're used to fighting," Kid warned in a serious tone. **(Yeah, no kidding. This is deconstructing the idea of Kishins—this is definitely the work of some powerful animal. Even so, if the village couldn't fight it, students would probably have to come investigate anyway, so why did the author make it this way?)** The other two turned to look at him. "Father told me that this particular Kishin… was born from an animal's soul."

"An animal?" Liz echoed.

"It hasn't been heard of," Kid continued. "Animals don't perceive Madness the same way that humans do. They are, to say… accustomed to it. **(What, like a sixth sense? I mean, sure cats seem a bit deranged, and dogs are stupid, but… ok, I think I get it. Maybe.)** You're as surprised as I am. Anyway, keep on guard and stay in weapon form; we don't know what we're up against."

Evil Brewing; A Kishin Egg Formed From a Wolf's Soul? **(Sudden random title, just like in the anime! Shiny.)**

Kid landed his skateboard at the edge of the village, facing the dark, creepy forest. The trees were too thick to fly through, so he'd just have to proceed on foot. **(Why can't he fly above, then? Sure, the trees would be too thick to see through I guess, but I'm sure a monster would leave some destruction in its path. Besides, going head-to-head with a monster in a dense forest where you can't use Beelzebub is a BAD IDEA.)** He began searching the forest for any sign of distress. There were no markings on the trees, no prints in the dirt, nothing even slightly out of place. **(Then fly over until you see some distress! Geez, wasting your time…)**

"That's weird," Kid muttered as he walked along. "All the animals are gone." **(Like when an earthquake or storm hits. I gotcha. But how in the hell would Kid notice this? All animals would have—supposedly, with this world's newly acquired story—sensed Kid coming and would have run. Either that, or come right up to him because they knew the goddess of life liked his father, which never happened in the anime, so WHAT!)**

He looked down at the ground. Next to his feet in a patch of dry leaves was a bloody paw print—clearly of the wolf or dog family. He stared at the print more intensely, recognizing traces of black blood on the foliage as well. **(This supposedly big, scary Kishin has left nothing but a single bloody paw print in this whole damn forest?)** Now he knew he was in the right place. He turned when he heard a low growl sound behind him. He aimed his weapons skillfully, waiting for the monster to show itself. **(I remember when this chapter originally came out, it had a Corpse-Party-esque scare in it just then. But I guess the author cut it out because she felt that it was "slowing the story down." Damn you, author. This story is already 88 freaking chapters long!)**

The beast stepped into the light, snarling viciously. Kid gasped. It was a large, black, mutated wolf-dog. It was abnormally large, its tail dripping with black blood. **(Most if not all people who have not played Okami do not get this reference. Heck, even some people who do play Okami don't get this reference.)** The Kishin snarled aggressively and curled its tail at an unnatural position. The black blood at the tip stiffened and slashed at Kid like a blade. The boy dodged the attack and opened fire at his target.

"Kid, focus!" Liz snapped as the blood slicer hit Kid. **(Yeah, Kid, you just don't know what you're up against because you don't play enough video games. Get your head in the game!)** Kid was repelled roughly against a thick tree trunk. After sliding to the ground, Kid groaned and swayed to his feet.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," Kid lied, preparing himself to fight again. His vision blurred slightly, and he shook his head once. **(Death the Kid would not be shaken this easily unless he was fighting against Ikiru herself, not a gorram premature Kishin.)** Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a white flash. He lost his concentration completely as he stared at the white entity in a daze. Three white wolves, one with a flaming disk and red markings on hers back, **(The flaming disk is a green shield on her back, and the red markings are on her back AND face. If I hadn't have played Okami, I wouldn't even know. Don't confuse me like that.)** were running through the trees. Not even Liz's voice could snap him out of his trance. **(Even with the compelling power of Inochigami, the only explanation for Kid's lack of focus is that he knows they're connected. Which he doesn't even consider the next two or three times they meet. Heck, even after Ame says she's the embodiment of Madness, he still doesn't consider having any relation to this girl.)** Everything seemed to move silently and slowly up until that moment. **(Was this for suspense or dramatic effect? Was life going by slowly until he saw the wolves, or is the author talking about Kid getting hurt?)**

The Kishin charged at him, bloody spikes being fired randomly and mercilessly in Kid's direction. **(Why randomly? His target is standing still in a daze. Focus, you deranged dog-wolf!)** He felt stabbing pain all over his body as he was thrown back again. Everything went black as he lost consciousness. **(No, duh.)**

"Kid!" the girls shouted, transforming into human form to ensure that he was alright. He clearly wasn't. **(There is a freaking unknown that just KOed your meister! Run and get help!)**

"Patti," Liz barked.

"Right," her sister nodded somewhat seriously and transformed for her. Liz wasn't sure if she'd even be able to land a hit on the advancing monster; it was likely that they could die without Kid being able to help. **(You're still not running.)**

Suddenly, three white figures blurred before them, cutting into the Kishin and driving it away. They looked like the Japanese wolves that had been hunted down centuries ago **(How the hell would they know what Honshu wolves looked like? Even so, Honshu wolves are small and brown. I think they mean the Hokkaido wolf, which could be as big as grey wolves, but still isn't that white.)** , but that was impossible—all endangered species **(They aren't endangered. They're extinct.)** are on Stein's waiting-to-dissect list. Liz stared at them in disbelief. Were they trying to save them? She thought she caught a glimpse of a flaming shield in one wolf's mouth, **(Amaterasu from the game uses divine forces to throw her flaming shield around, but this rip-off OC is so dumb that she'll carry it in her mouth and burn herself.)** but didn't get a good look before they were all out of sight. Liz and Patti stared after the four beings in shock, surprised, relieved, and extremely grateful to whomever it was that led it away. They didn't hesitate another second; they immediately turned to tend to their meister. **(What about calling for help? Or running?! That Kishin could be back in minutes, if they really finished off a Shinigami that quickly.)**

Soul Eater **(I think I actually like the intermission thing. It's not as awkward as double spacing before starting another paragraph.)**

Liz will never forget that moment. **(Here we go.)** She, Patti, Blackstar, Tsubaki, Maka, and Soul had all gathered outside of the dispensary for what felt like hours. It was late at night, but when the others heard about what happened, they insisted upon coming to the DWMA. When Professor Stein came out of the room, he told them what everyone was afraid to hear. **(I don't know what's more disappointing; the fact that the people who came for an angst fic get two chapters tops or that the people who came for the fluff have to endure two chapters of angst first.)**

"He'll live," Stein spoke quietly, lighting a cigarette as he did so. "His body was able to diffuse the black blood on contact. **(Just going to call crap right now because this is inconsistent with the rest of the story.)** However, the trauma from the attack caused great damage to Kid's eyes. Death the Kid is permanently blind. **(But it'll only last two or three chapters, right? What a tease.)** "

"What?" Liz asked. "No, that can't be right! Let us see him."

"Go ahead," Stein nodded to the infirmary door. "But I doubt you'll like what you see." **(That's mean. Really, Professor, I expected more from you.)**

Inside, Kid was sitting up on one of the beds, staring ahead blankly. His golden eyes had dulled to a yellow-tinted grey. He looked up when he heard them, his eyes unfocused slightly as he searched for what he could no longer see. **(I guess the panic attack is over with?)**

"Kid?" Liz asked, unable to make her voice louder than a whisper. She collapsed to her knees in front of him, dipping her head in sorrow as she began to sob at his feet. "Kid, I'm so… I'm so sorry." **(Why is Liz so torn up about this? I mean, I get that she would be upset, but what about Patti? Does she just not understand? I don't know, I guess it's okay, but something about this interaction is clunky.)**

"Liz?" Kid asked, reaching out blindly to her. **(Accidentally grabbing her breast! No? Darn, if this isn't an angst fic, put some comedic relief in here—you're killing me!)** "Liz, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen to Patti? Talk to me! You're freaking me out, Liz…." **(Nope. Still panicking.)**

Liz got to her feet again and wrapped him in a tight hug of security. She hated herself for letting this happen. **(Okay, since when is this your fault? Seriously, you don't have any control over Kid. I think the author is just trying to cheat into some angst.)** Kid hesitantly wrapped his arms around her as well. **(And grabbed her butt! No? Jesus.)** He was so scared and weak—it was pathetic. **(I know! At least—just—why even—ugh! I'm already out of crap to give.)** He was a grim reaper. He shouldn't be taken down by something this small.

Everyone was silent in a state of shock and disbelief. **(I just realized that no one else said anything this entire time. Not even Patti, who should be asking questions, like "Is Kid going to be alright?" and some shit. All this angst is really clunky!)** How could they grasp this? Their comrade, their friend, was blind? Forever? How would this affect Kid? Would he still be able to fight and, in the long run, surpass his father as the next Grim Reaper? **(Very real concerns that would make for a good story don't last more than three chapters. Disappointing.)**

 _It will get better, I promise!_ **(Atypical line in the world of fanfiction writing. I mean, given that the angst doesn't last, I guess some of the character interactions get better, so at least there's that.)** _I will post a couple more chapters today, just to make sure you get a clear view of the basic storyline of this first arc. I have composed this fanfiction to be the most epic I have ever written; all I need is a couple reviews to tell me how I'm doing. Thank you so much!_ **(You make me socially exhausted.)**

 _Oh my gosh, thank you for clicking on this story!_ **("You didn't actually have to read it, just clicking on it gave me more views than my sister!")** _I have been constructing this series for months and I hope that my efforts aren't at all wasted. Firstly, this is a KidxOC fanfiction, and it will end up having 88 chapters._ **(So she wanted a symmetrical number of chapters and she couldn't sandwich this epic into just 8… this is a dumb basis to include a crap-shit-ton of fluff and awkward mashing together of the Soul Eater universe with the Okami universe.)** _I hope I can publish the last chapter as a New Year's special, so I need all your support to get that far!_ **(You were sick with the flu! The last chapter sucked because of that!)**

 **CHAPTER CLEAR!**

 **TOTAL SCORE: 54**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next morning, Liz found herself looking out her bedroom door and into the hallway where Kid was running his thin, pale fingers against the bottom edge of a picture frame. He was trying to see if it was level, as he had been since he got home. He was crying quietly. Why couldn't he at least keep things symmetrical? If he really was blind, then there wasn't much point in maintaining symmetry anyway. **(This entire paragraph has the same idea as another paragraph from a different story called "Golden Eyes" where Kid goes blind. I honestly love that fic.)**

"Kid?" Liz asked quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Kid jumped, startled. "Are you okay?"

Kid gazed in the range of her voice. His eyes rippled with fresh tears.Liz pulled the crying boy close and murmured words of security in his ear. Of course it was the boy with OCD that went blind. **(And THAT is a complete rip-off of a sentence from "Golden Eyes.")**

Dreams are a strange thing. **(What the hell are you talking about now?)** You're dying, but in the forest, they want you to live. **(Oh, that's a Knock-Knock reference. Nice that she could put that in there, but isn't it a bit… you know, not fitting? I mean, maybe it's fitting for Soul Eater, but the forest?)** There was a certain girl perched in a tree combing through her long, snowy white hair. She wanted to see Kid live. She wanted to see him surpass his father, and she would do anything to make sure he did.

" _Only time praises me, Why won't it stop?_ " she sang to herself.

" _Nee kando zero, sukoshi tarinai atama wo_

 **My emotions are zero, my head is missing a bit (=Foreshadowing)**

 _Furishibotte agaitetatte nanimo_

 **Even if I muster, even if I struggle**

 _Kawaranai no sa_

 **Nothing changes**

 _Sandome no uso wa mou barete shimatta yo_

 **The third lie has already been exposed (** **More foreshadowing.)**

 _Hiraki nao tsute sa_

 **Be serious**

 _Shiranai, Shiranai, Shiranai!_ **(Shiranai kind of looks like Shiranui, which is the name of Amaterasu's past self in the game and this fanfiction. Cool, I guess.)**

 **I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!** "

She fell silent as she drew the sharp rock across the river of her hair, cutting it just below her chin. **(This girl grew her hair extremely long all her life just so she could cut it to look like Kid's at this very moment. Why, you ask? Because I don't know. That's why. Also, she called it a river of hair, which is dumb because she said in her quiz video that she doesn't use poetic terms for her OC.)**

 **(Also, she's singing Kando Reduction by Akiakane. Don't ask me how that's a sin, it just is, because she's basically a rip-off of Amaterasu from Okami and listens to punk music. Like Maka. Oh, now I get it.) Ding!**

 _Kioku no oku tadoru_

 _Yukiba naku kawareyuku kokoro tsunagitome_

 _Mou ichido kono basho de_

 _Te wo totte eien' no hate e tsuredashite_

 _Kakedashi toki ga hashiridasu_

 _Mirai wo shiru sono sube wo nigirishime_

 _Ashita wo mitsuketa no_

 _Demo fuan do shou ga nai kokoro wo kakusenai_

 _Kasureta koe de tobashita omoi mo_

 _Todokanai mujou ni kieteku kokoro wo tsukamenai_

 _Hitomi ni utsushita kioku kaeshite_

 _Kono saki no mirai ni kitto mata deaeru to shin'jite!_

 **(And now she's writing the opening title lyrics in Japanese, just like they do in anime. She's trying too hard.)**

The next day at school was exceptionally challenging. **(Why is Kid going to school right away? If he's blind and crap, why doesn't he just take a couple days off? You know, to… learn Braille or something?)** Although his partners, friends, and even his own father was supportive of Kid taking the day off, the stubborn boy asserted that he attend school. It was a classic game; ignore the unusual, and it would probably go away. **(This game doesn't work when you're blind. Does Kid know this? Because I think Kid should know this.)**

He always needed help from his partners; if it weren't for them, he would constantly be running into walls and tripping to the floor. **(The author has taken a badass hot character and turned him into a total pussy.)** The floor was cold and hard and, despite what the vampire romance novelists think, not at all inviting. **(Twilight reference.)**

Struggling; A Mysterious Girl with the Ability to Heal Broken Hearts? **(You may think this OC is a Mary Sue for having a power like this, but this is probably the weakest and least prominent of her powers.)**

Ame stood at the foot of the massive stone steps leading to the DWMA. **(I'm glad we finally pin a name on this girl, but how are we supposed to know that she's the girl from before? Or that she was the special wolf with red markings from the first chapter?)** Why did she have to walk up all those stairs? **(If she truly is a wolf-goddess with a wolf-form, she does not have to complain about all the stairs!)** She was just a guest going to speak with Lord Death. A woman stood behind her, a nervous look in her golden eyes as she fiddled with her long, grey-tipped white hair. **(The author neglected to mention that they look alike. Or what they really look like at all, which would be okay if they didn't have features like wolf ears and a wardrobe that makes Ame look like a Wa-Lolita shrine maiden.)**

"I'll be fine Mom," Ame reassured her. "This is my first time alone in the human realm, **(Human realm is not really a thing, you know. Not even in this fanfiction. So what, Ame lives in a special part of the forest that can't be accessed by human beings. That does not necessarily make it a non-human realm.)** but it's a get in, get out job. I'll speak to Lord Death about the Kishin and have it exterminated. **("exterminated" as in referring to "Spirit Extermination," the name of the Okami battle music? I'm down for references.)** You don't have to worry about me."

"I wonder how Kid's doing today," Maka **(Geez, you could at least double space before changing the setting.)** talked to Soul quietly as she, Soul, and Tsubaki browsed through the school library. **(Why is Tsubaki with them in the library? She should be watching Blackstar, really. At least give an explanation why Blackstar wants some alone time or whatever.)** "I didn't see him in class."

"Stein said something about a special class," **(Then why can't he take the in the comfort of his own home, huh? And wouldn't Liz be the one who told them? Does Liz even know where Kid is? Does she care?)** Soul said. "Makes sense, I guess, considering…."

"Don't say it," Maka warned. **(Having your friend go blind is serious, by why would Soul even walk into having to refer to Kid's problem?)** Soul complied without a fight; things had been stressed at the limit since Kid's injury. Tsubaki put a reassuring hand on Maka's shoulder.

They were unaware of a certain girl watching them through gaps in the bookshelves. **(Quit calling her 'a certain girl;' we know it's Ame. Also, I thought she was here to say hi to Lord Death. What the *BEEP* is she doing in the library stalking these guys?)**

"They're so unhappy," she thought. "If only I could help like I was destined to, but now humans won't be able to see my efforts if I tried. I'm a useless god." **(Ugh. Just ugh.)**

She continued to watch them, never expecting Soul to turn around and actually see her. **(She's behind a bookshelf. Who would care?)** The girl looked down, pretending to be engrossed in the books in front of her before she realized they were way too close to her face to actually read. She glanced back at Soul, who was still watching her. **(Okay, Soul just thinks she's a secret admirer, I guess and is okay with her stalking them.)** He was grinning at her now, particularly at the snowy white tail peeking out from under her skirt. **(And she's a furry.)** He assumed it was just for cosplay. **(And he's okay with that, too.)** The girl blushed bright red and inched her way behind the other end of the bookshelves. She glanced around the corner, relieved when she didn't see him. As a matter of fact, she didn't see any of them. She heard a small chuckle and looked around the other corner. There—she saw something move! **(Is she being playful, stupid, or stupidly playful? Or playfully stupid?!)**

"Soul, cut it out," Maka reprimanded. "Just because you're bored doesn't mean you can just…." She trailed off, glimpsing at the girl. Suddenly, she felt intense joy wash over her, and she wanted to join in their little game. **(Mary Sue? I mean, she just made them forget about their depression and stress and start playing around.)** She didn't know what was wrong, or if anything was wrong at all, but she motioned for Tsubaki to follow her as she crept around the edge of the bookshelf.

The wolf-girl shyly hid behind the edge of the bookshelf again, **(This grammar feels clunky.)** glancing behind her to see if Soul was still following her. Surely her playful Madness wavelength would prevent him from wanting to abandon their childish game, but she wanted to make sure. No Soul in sight, but he was waiting behind the other edge. She was about to wait him out when a girl with blonde pigtails skipped up next to her.

"Hi there!" Maka greeted. The girl took a step away, unintentionally jumping into the middle of the aisle. Another girl with longer black hair stood behind the other bookshelf. Reinforcements, she was doomed! **(This isn't actually that bad. Stupid, and OOC, yes, but it's oddly cute how everything is exaggerated.)**

"No escape now," Tsubaki leered with a smile.

They stepped towards her, driving her down the aisle. The girl followed their motions non-competitively when they stopped walking and began laughing quietly. He was right behind her, wasn't he? She slowly turned around, her plushy tail all frizzed out and rigid. Soul was only a few inches away from her. She met his crimson eyes without fear. She smiled at him, wagging her tail to signal she was having fun. Soul grinned back and stared at her eyes, seeing their odd color.

"One gold and one green, huh?" he noticed. "Kid would have a heart attack."

"Do you know who I am?" the wolf girl asked, her tail moving ominously. **(Okay, this suddenly got weird again. One minute they're all playful and shit, now she's being all creepy and ominous. Who needs consistency when she's the embodiment of madness, I guess.)**

"No."

"Good," she purred. **(Okay, after reading the whole fanfiction, the only word I think of anymore whenever she says this is PEDOPHILE!)**

"Hey, be quiet in the library," a sharp voice chided. Soul turned around to see Kid sitting there, staring ahead blankly, his hand on a book. **(So Kid has probably been in here the entire time and could hear them talking about him. Is he at all hurt by this?)** Looks like he'd been annoyed with all the laughing.

"Oh, sorry, Kid," Soul apologized immediately.

"Is that you, Soul?" Kid asked, his eyes wandering over to their small group. **(Wait, he didn't hear them? How could he not know who they were if he'd been hearing them this whole time? Was he just too focused on his Braille book that he didn't actually hear them? I guess I have no point here after all.)** "Who were you talking to?"

Soul looked back to where the girl had been standing a second ago. She was gone now. Maka and Tsubaki glanced throughout the aisles, to see if she was hiding somewhere, but she'd disappeared entirely.

"Uh… it was nothing, Kid, forget about it." **(By the time they checked the whole library for Ame, Kid would have given up on getting an answer because the pause would have been so awkwardly long.)**

They didn't want to trouble him.

Soul Eater **(Again, the transitions are cool, but were they supposed to be bold, or… centered or something? But that's more of a nit-pick.)**

"Who do you think that girl was?" Maka asked Soul in between classes. **(So when is this again? Were they in the library in the morning before class?)** "I've never seen her around the academy before."

"Maybe she wasn't a student," Soul suggested. "I don't know why she was here, but she seemed to just be messing around. Maybe she's a relative of one of the staff members?" **(Yeah, because your stalker can just wander the halls because she's a relative of a staff member. Also, how old was she, twelve?)**

"Maybe," Maka looked up as she saw the same mysterious girl, wolf tail, headband, and all, walking away from the Death Room and down the hallway. No one else seemed very interested in her, but Maka couldn't help but feel suspicious. **(Why in particular? Did her happy vibes or something make you suspicious? Or did the author just need an excuse for you to watch her for a minute?)** She continued watching the girl as she walked out the front door and into the court yard where little Fire and Thunder were chasing each other. One of the twins tripped and fell down a few feet away from the girl.

The girl went out of her way to approach him and pick him back up. She set him down on his feet and patted his head kindly, then went on her way. The twins stared after her with intense interest for a long time. They seemed to see something about her that no one else did. **(Those of you who came from watching the anime may not know this, but Kilik's weapons Pot of Fire and Pot of Thunder are shamans. But was it their shaman-ness or their child-ness that let them see Ame's true form? Or both?)**

"I can't do it," Kid said in defeat as they were training later. **(More poor transitions!)** He and his two partners were alone in the backyard of his grand mansion, trying to hit targets. Kid put his arms down; he couldn't even hit a target one hundred feet away. He knew it; he was hopeless.

"Let's just try something else," Liz suggested, her reflection glancing off the side of the pistol. **(More ripping off "Golden Eyes." I'm beginning to think that the author had this grand idea after reading that fanfiction.)**

"Like what?" Kid turned to her, almost glaring. His disconcertingly blank stare made Liz repress a shudder. After a moment of silence, Kid sighed. "Fine," he grumbled, raising the twins again.

He couldn't even begin to find the target to aim at, but he tried doing a little more this time than he had been. He closed his eyes in concentration, let his soul reach out to those of his companions, and let them guide him. He hesitated, afraid of failure, but put his faith forward and pulled the trigger. It sounded like an impact.

"Perfect hit," Liz reported. **(Changed "Bull's-eye" to something dumb and unprofessional-sounding so she wouldn't be ripping off "Golden Eyes.")**

"Really?" Kid couldn't believe the success.

"We did it!" Patti hailed. "Maybe we can go on missions now!"

"You think so?" Kid laughed. He did it. He could do it. Things looked brighter now. Maybe he would be able to pull through this time after all. **(Not to burst your bubble, but you hit one target. You are not ready to take on Kishin yet.)**

They were all so joyous that not even Liz and Patti were aware of someone watching them. It was a girl lying on her stomach on the roof, watching their training as it continued. **(Don't beat yourselves up, Liz and Patti, since she's on the roof of your ginormous mansion, she probably can't see you either.)** Two large white wolves lay on either side of her, keeping guard. None of them were very used to the big city. One wolf turned his head and let out a throaty growl.

"It's okay," the girl said, scratching the bridge of his muzzle. **(I'm not sure if Ame's has two wolf brothers to compliment Liz and Patti or to make a Princess Mononoke reference…. Because if it's a Mononoke reference, which I'm thinking it is because this exchange is very similar to one in Mononoke, I'm down. If it's to compliment Kid… there's a storm coming.)** "Five more minutes."

"Ame, are you sure we should be doing this?"

"Stop complaining," she corrected. "He's Lord Death's son. If he dies, Madness will reign free. Humans can no longer accept our madness like before. **(According to the anime and manga, humans could never accept Madness. That's why it's portrayed as bad.)** We're going to stay in the forest where we can't bother anyone."

"But you completely reset—" **(Foreshadowing that takes so long to be explained that everybody forgets about this line by the time the explanation is revealed.)**

A small cry echoed through the yard. **(Foreshadowing interrupted by a breakdown.)** Ame looked down again to see Kid twitch violently, dropping his weapons, and collapse to his knees. He put a hand over his eyes in obvious distress. Ame stared at the scene as his two weapons transformed and tried to help him.

"He's blind," she realized. **(YOU JUST REALIZED THIS! YOU FFFF*CKING IDOT!)** "What happened to him? It's as if I can sense compressed wavelengths of Madness in his eyes…."

"Kid, what's wrong?" Liz asked, touching the side of his face and gently pulling his hand away to reveal his eyes.

"It still hurts," he whispered frantically, his eyes wide and his pupils narrowed to pinpricks with fear. He began clawing at his eyes, blood splattering on the grass. **(This is kind of violent for a fluffy fanfiction. It's just a mixed bag of everything, really.)** Liz pulled him to his feet and took him inside the house. Kid followed her cautiously, sitting down on the couch as she wanted him to.

"Here," she said, handing him a cool, wet cloth. Kid pressed it to his face, grateful for the soothing water.

"Thank you," he sighed in relief. "I feel better now. I don't know what happened; it just started to hurt again all of a sudden."

"I don't like the sound of that," Liz murmured, touching his face with her hands. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently. Kid blushed. **(Grow up.)** He'd never been kissed by her before. He'd never thought of Liz in any special way… not really… but…. He felt so alone now.

"I hate this," Kid whispered. He was sick of crying, sick of being afraid. Liz drew him close to her in a tight embrace, as she had so often lately. They were completely over the slightly awkward feeling when they touched each other. **(Then why did he just blush when she kissed him? Grow up!)**

"Don't be. It's okay now. We did well during training, so you have nothing to worry about right now. We'll keep training and you'll be able to fight again, don't worry."

"Stop lying to me!" Kid cried. "You know I can't live like this! Look at me; I'm blind! There's nothing that can be done about it, so just give it up." **(Why is Kid being so bipolar about everything? I actually liked this little scene with Liz and Kid as a slight nod to the LizxKid fan community, but you're screwing it up!)**

"Kid…." Did he really just say that? Was he really just going to give up? They were doing so well, though. **(Can I remind you that you only hit one target? One?)** How could…? Of course. It was the inevitable truth. Kid was blind. He didn't _want_ to live like this. He needed something, but Liz wasn't enough to fill that position anymore. She never was. **(This is your final warning that this is not and never will be a KidxLiz fic; bundled in the tears of starving children and delivered in three short words. KidxLiz shippers cried during this scene. What a tease.)**

 _This chapter is a bit sadder. It's also a bit longer. Well, I'll keep working at it and have the rest posted soon._ **(You know, I might just appreciate this author updating so often if I could keep up and the chapters were as good as I want them to be.)**

 **CHAPTER CLEAR!**

 **TOTAL SCORE: 59!**


End file.
